dailynewsjokes.com

President Obama turned 48-years-old this week. He invited officer Crowley, proffessor Gates and Joe Biden for the big cake summit.

Former President Bill Clinton met with North Korean leader Kim Jong Ill this week and has been successful in getting the North Korean government to release two American female journalists. His one request was that when released, they don’t wear a blue dress.

A 49-year-old Illinois man drove his riding lawn mower to the gas station for beer because he has a revoked license and a previous DWI. He was arrested for Driving under the influence. His case may be used as the storyline on NBC’s new show: “Lawn and Order.”

Barack and Michelle Obama have made Vanity Fair’s International Best-Dressed List. No longer on the List is Angelina Jolie. But Jolie is still #1 on the list at Humongous Lips monthly.

Paula Abdul has sent a Twitter message announcing that she is quitting “American Idol.” Who is she taking career advise from? McLean Stevenson’s old business manager?

A cheese maker in Switzerland lost a metal spring and was pretty sure that it was in one of his expensive cheeses. He took seven cheese wheels to the local airport and ran them through the X-ray machine until they found the spring. This was the safest way to find the spring without cutting the cheese.

Marine scientists are going to the middle of the Pacific ocean to study an open sea area that is hundreds of miles wide where plastic debris is accumulating. They have dubbed it the “Great Pacific Garbage Patch.” or A patch of Euew.

A new government report says that a child born last year will cost about $221,000 to raise through age 17 for a middle-income family. And at age seventeen the child reciprocates to the middle-income family with the middle finger.

A 56-year-old Connecticut woman was honored at a 2008 dinner as “Nurse of the Year” by the Connecticut Nursing Association. An investigation discovered that she is not a nurse and spent more than $2,000 of her own money to stage the award dinner. Next Year she’s planning a big party for her being nominated as inmate of the year.

South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford is back from a European vacation with his family. He’s trying to enforce a new state law to crack down on businesses hiring illegal immigrants. Especially women from Argentina.

A woman in Alaska was sentenced to 20 days in jail for letting her 7-year-old son drive while she was passed out drunk in the passenger seat. Is Britnay’s kid 7-years-old already?

An 86-year-old Chicago woman has been arrested 61 times since 1956. This time she was picked up for shoplifting wrinkle cream and stuffing $252 worth of groceries into her pants. Wrinkle cream is a sensible choice. She wanted to look good for her mug shot.

Arrested 61 times? Maybe she’s a slow learner.

According to the National Enquirer.com Oprah Winfrey is being sued for 1.2 trillion because an author says she stole material from his work and published it under another name. Didn’t he break one of the ten commandments: Thou shalt not sue Oprah?

If it isn’t a commandment, she has connections and can have it changed.

In Missouri, a woman and her mother were asked to leave a Burger King because the woman’s 6-month-old child was not wearing shoes. No shoes, but the kid was wearing a suit and tie.

A hypnotist in South Korea has been fined for kissing a woman he thought he had put in a trance. If you’re so boring that you put women in a trance I guess it’s less embarrassing to just say your a hypnotist, yeah, that’s it….a hypnotist.