Posts Tagged ‘Cleveland’

Vic Mizzy RIP

Wednesday, October 21st, 2009

Songwriter Vic Mizzy who composed the theme song for the 1960’s sit-com “Green Acres,” has died at 93. He wants to be buried in the country, but his wife wants him buried in the city.

A museum in Cleveland has had a hair from aviator Amelia Earhart on display for twenty years, but has learned that it is not a hair, just a thread that looks like a hair. That’s embarrassing, though in their defense it is a pubic thread.

A Massachusetts man went on a test drive with a Honda car salesman for more than 1,000 miles because the man refused to turn back. The guy was smart. He took a Japanese car. An American car wouldn’t have gone 1,000 miles.

The White house says that it will continue to book officials on Fox News even though they feel the network is a mouthpiece for the Republican party. Don’t confuse that with Rush Limbaugh. He’s the Republican bigmouth-piece.

Switzerland’s top criminal court rejected Roman Polanski’s appeal to be released from prison. And they definitely rejected his request of conjugal visits.

Pope Benedict has taken steps to make it easier for disaffected Anglicans to convert to Roman Catholicism. As an incentive, he’s offering converts a free ride in the Pope-mobile.

In a new study, scientists removed pheromones from fruit flies. The results caused male flies to be attracted to males. The technical term was that they can now fly both ways.

A new poll says that 57 percent of Americans support the government in creating a new health insurance plan to compete with private health insurance plans. The other 43 percent are Republicans.

Apple Inc’s sales and profits hit quarterly records which sent its stock to an all-time high. They have an app for that.

A museum in Cleveland has had a hair from aviator Amelia Earhart on display for twenty years, but has learned that it is not a hair, just a thread that looks like a hair. Also, it was discovered that the museum’s dinosaur skeletons are actually constructed of Milk Bones.

A white justice of the peace in Louisiana refused to issue a marriage license earlier this month to a white woman and a black man. He won’t even allow guests at weddings to throw brown rice.

Jokes for Monday

Monday, August 4th, 2008

In response to a lawsuit brought by the state of California, four food manufacturers agreed to reduce levels of a cancer-causing chemical called acrylamide in their potato chips and french fries. Other companies will remedy the problem by adding new flavors such as: Sour cream and Chemo

China is banning many activities for foreigners during the Olympics. They’re also banning anyone with mental illness or a sexually transmitted disease. Don’t worry, Presidents’ George W. and Bill Clinton will find some way to attend.

Paris Hilton’s mother, Kathy Hilton, has commented on the ad John McCain’s campaign released comparing Barack Obama to Paris Hilton and Britney Spears by saying “It is a complete waste of the country’s time.” Or, as Paris would phrase it…”That’s not hot!”

The U.S. Department of Homeland Security now gives border agents authority to seize laptops and retain them indefinitely. So, if you come over the border with a notebook computer, Mac stays, but Pedro goes.

A clothing store in Cleveland has opened a bar in the middle of its sales floor. They want customers to hang out and be in a relaxed mood. I have a name for the place: “The Banana Daiquiri Republic.”

The body of a Brazilian priest was discovered at sea three months after he floated out over the ocean suspended by hundreds of helium-filled party balloons. If he felt the need to get closer to God he could have just come to America and met Obama in person.

The Labor Department says that employers cut 51,000 jobs in July. The technical term for this at the Labor Department is: Job Security.

People magazine and a British tabloid, in a joint venture, paid $14 million for exclusive photos of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s newborn twins. $14 MILLION? And the kids weren’t even breast feeding?

A 64-year-old Alabama man is accused of stabbing his drinking buddy after the buddy was given $10 to by beer and came back with only four cans of a low-end inexpensive beer. I can see maybe getting upset over imported beer, but this is just a case of “domestic” violence…

John McCain runs for President, Dog runs for Mayor

Thursday, July 31st, 2008

Scientists developed an “iShoe” that contains sensors to keep balance and may help elderly people avoid catastrophic falls. John McCain has a pair on order for November.

Two police officers in Germany were mistaken, by female partygoers, as male strippers when they were sent to quiet a birthday celebration. They were flattered but, in this day and age, German officers know better than to “join the party.”

A Pray at the Pump movement in the Midwest is holding prayer gatherings at a Mobil station to thank God for lower fuel prices and to ask that they continue to drop. That’s in the Midwest. In the Mideast they’re praying to Allah and really getting results.

Scientists have developed a pill that when taken will chemically mimic exercise. To really get people off their butts, it should come in the form of a suppository.

The owner of a Labrador retriever has entered the dog in a race for mayor in Fairhope Alabama. The dog is expected to run……..and jump, roll over, fetch……

Roto-Rooter workers rescued a kitten when it got stuck in an outdoor drainage pipe near Cleveland. Note to the people of Cleveland: Flush a goldfish, not a kitten.

Members of the FCC have cast votes in favor of punishing Comcast Corp. for blocking Internet traffic on certain users who exchange large amounts of data. Blocking users from exchanging large amounts of data? Isn’t that called America On Line.