Posts Tagged ‘David Letterman’

World Series of floozies

Wednesday, October 28th, 2009

A 43-year-old woman in Philadelphia posted an ad on craigslist offering sex in exchange for tickets to see the Phillies play in the World Series. She’ll let a guy get to 3rd base just for tickets behind 3rd base.

A 43-year-old woman in Philadelphia posted an ad on craigslist offering sex in exchange for tickets to see the Phillies play in the World Series. For tickets behind home, she’ll ask a guy home for behind.

A 43-year-old woman in Philadelphia posted an ad on craigslist offering sex in exchange for tickets to see the Phillies play in the World Series. For tickets behind home plate, she’ll let a guy approach the mound.

A 43-year-old woman in Philadelphia posted an ad on craigslist offering sex in exchange for tickets to see the Phillies play in the World Series. For box seats she’ll offer up her bo……?

President Obama went to Florida to tour a solar energy center. He will offer funding for technologies that make the nation’s electricity grid more reliable. They’re called “smart grid.” Don’t confuse Obama’s “smart grid” with President Bush’s “dumb luck.”

“Late Late Show” host Craig Ferguson, had to finish taping Tuesday nights show with a flashlight after high winds knocked out power. The lights also went out at “The Jay Leno Show,” but nobody noticed.

“Late Late Show” host Craig Ferguson, had to finish taping Tuesday nights show with a flashlight after high winds knocked out power. When that happened at Letterman’s show they caught him with an intern.

The younger sister of Fidel and Raul Castro has revealed in her memoirs that she worked for the CIA in Cuba in the early 1960’s. Her code name was Donna. Fidel and Raul had code names for each other too: Ren and Stimpy.

The younger sister of Fidel and Raul Castro has revealed in her memoirs that she worked for the CIA in Cuba in the early 1960’s. Her code name was Donna. Fidel and Raul had code names for each other too: Hitler and Stalin.

More than 170 passengers were evacuated from an Australian Jetstar flight because an engine caught fire after landing. The Northwest airline pilots said, “See, if you keep the plane in the air it doesn’t burst into flames.”

Federal regulators have revoked the licenses of the two Northwest Airlines pilots who missed their destination because they were on their laptops. The pilots went to meet with officials so they can plead their case, but drove 150 miles past the building.

The Church of Scientology was convicted of fraud and fined more than $900,000 by a court in Paris, France. Can you do that? Fine a phony religion?

Sarah Palin says that she has received at least $1.25 million for her upcoming memoir “Going Rogue.” Talk about your cash for clunkers.

Marge is in Charge

Monday, October 12th, 2009

At the box office over the weekend the top film was “Couples Retreat.” It’s the story of how David Letterman is going to spend the rest of his life.

Representatives of late night talk show host Jimmy Kimmel have confirmed to People magazine that Kimmel has been dating a co-head writer on his show. This may be the greatest example in TV history ever of nobody caring.

Miss Plastic Hungary 2009, a beauty contest for woman who have had breast implants, nose jobs and face lifts, was held in Hungary. Joan Rivers and Cher won lifetime achievement awards.

Miss Plastic Hungary 2009, a beauty contest for woman who have had breast implants, nose jobs and face lifts, was held in Hungary. With all the face-lifts among the contestants even the losers looked surprised.

Miss Plastic Hungary 2009, a beauty contest for woman who have had breast implants, nose jobs and face lifts, was held in Hungary. Miss Budapest won best Booty.

Miss Plastic Hungary 2009, a beauty contest for woman who have had breast implants, nose jobs and face lifts, was held in Hungary. It was sponsored by Mattel.

Miss Plastic Hungary 2009, a beauty contest for woman who have had breast implants, nose jobs and face lifts, was held in Hungary. These women have Barbie-doll figures. Which is only natural because they’re made from the same material.

A Bernie Madoff mask is being offered this Halloween. Didn’t we already have that, It’s called the Grandpa Munster mask.

A Bernie Madoff mask is being offered this Halloween. You just know that any kid who wears this mask will steal all the other kid’s candy.

A Bernie Madoff mask is being offered this Halloween. It comes with a government issued striped outfit.

Marge Simpson will appear on the cover of this months Playboy magazine. She is the first cartoon character ever to be on the cover. Fun Fact: The Simpsons went on the air before any of Hef’s girlfriends were even born.

Marge Simpson will appear on the cover of this months Playboy magazine. In a fascinating article Marge reveals that her choice of contraceptive is the Sponge-bob Squarpants.

Marge Simpson will appear on the cover of this months Playboy magazine. She is the first cartoon character ever to be on the cover. For some of these hard-core Simpson fans that are over 40 this may actually be the first time they’ve seen a naked woman.

Marge Simpson will appear on the cover of this months Playboy magazine. Men are attracted to an animated woman.

Marge Simpson will appear on the cover of this months Playboy magazine. She is the first cartoon character ever to be on the cover. Though she is not the first cartoon character to sleep with Hef. There are rumors that in the 60’s he and Betty Rubble had a little something going on.

Marge Simpson will appear on the cover of this months Playboy magazine. She is the first cartoon character ever to be on the cover. Also, she is the first Playmate to have all her original parts.

Students at a School in Ireland are being asked to bring their own toilet paper. In schools, maybe this is a new method to wipe out crack?

Students at a School in Ireland are being asked to bring their own toilet paper to school. This will not wipe out crappy grades.

Students at a School in Ireland are being asked to bring their own toilet paper to school. You just know they will use it to TP the schoolhouse.

Students at a School in Ireland are being asked to bring their own toilet paper to school. Maybe this is a new method to help out kids who are a little behind?

Letterman’s stupid human trick

Tuesday, March 24th, 2009

54-year-old actor Bruce Willis married his 32-year-old British model girlfriend, Emma Heming, on Saturday at his home in the Caribbean. Ex-wife Demi Moore and her husband Ashton Kutcher attended. Do you think just about now Emma Heming is feeling she’s been punked.

A new federal tax will increase the cost of a pack of cigarettes by 61 cents beginning April 1st. But, if you’re part of the Obama administration you won’t have to pay the taxes.

Late-Nite TV host David Letterman got married over the weekend to his longtime girlfriend Regina Lasko. Letterman finally topped his guests with this stupid human trick.

A 63-year-old man in San Diego who is suspected of drunken driving crashed his pickup truck into a neighbor’s house, leaving a gaping hole and revealing a small marijuana farm inside. That Michael Phelps will never learn.

A parrot in Colorado was given a lifesaver award after alerting his owner that a baby was choking. He repeatedly yelled “Mama, baby” when the toddler started to choke. If the Octomom had owned this parrot the poor thing may have died of exhaustion yelling “Mama, baby, Mama, baby.”

An eight-grader in Florida was suspended by the school bus driver from riding the bus for three days because he passed gas. Your job is driving eighth graders to school…isn’t this an occupational hazard.

About 150 people attended a job fair at a Providence Rhode Island strip club looking for work. But guys were just looking.

It’s the only job interview with a two dirink minimum.