53 pounds of cocaine were found on a Texas beach. The estimated worth is about $500,000. After the find, the lifeguards weren’t the only ones walking around with white powder on their nose.
Beach front property immediately got higher.
Former vice president Dick Cheney appeared on the Sunday morning news program Face The Nation. Cheney felt out of place. He thought he was appearing on Shoot the Nation in the Face.
On CBS news show Face the Nation Dick Cheney said he’d rather follow Rush Limbaugh than Colin Powell as the future of the Republican Party. Cheney made a similar mistake years ago when he decided to abandoned good and follow Satan.
Star Trek made $31 million its first day at the box office. This is the first time in history a sum of money this huge was spent on a Friday night by men without dates.
It was the most successful opening fueled by a group of men who have never experienced an opening.
An Ohio teenager who attends a Christian fundamentalist Baptist school may be suspended for attending a public school prom with his girlfriend. His school forbids dancing, rock music and hand holding. He didn’t want to break the hand holding rule so instead - he nailed her.
This poor kid is living in a Footloose movie.
Even Amish people said “Ah, lighten up.”
Genealogy Web site Ancestry.com has posted copies of German phone books from 1915 to 1981. The books include Albert Einstein’s number while he was a professor in Berlin in 1930. I wonder if Einstein used a smart phone?
Ironically, the motto of the German phone book was “Let your fingers do the marching….through Europe.”
A diner at an upstate New York T.G.I.Friday’s says he found a severed snake head mixed in with his vegetables. It’s their new special. Snakes on a plate.
Los Angeles Dodger Manny Ramirez tested positive for a banned substance that turned out to be a female fertility drug. He has incurred an immediate 50 game suspension. He got very emotional, started crying and then went back to watching his stories.
The drugs may be having an effct. Teammates are now reffering to him as Fanny Ramirez.
In Washington two men were beaten by a man with a golf club after they urinated on a vehicle. What did he beat them with? A number one iron? Or should he have used a putter to beat a putz?
The mayor of a Salt Lake City suburb says he will shave his nearly foot-long handlebar mustache for charity. How about shaving it because it’s not 1895.
A Pennsylvania high school ordered more than 450 souvenir shot glasses for its prom. Nobody got left back, but everyone got hung over.
Amy Winehouse had to abandon a her performance at the St. Lucia Jazz Festival in the Caribbean due to heavy rain. She was ready to continue. Before the show she fixed her mascara with Thompsons water seal and coated her crack pipe in Rustoleum.
Bernard Madoff’s longtime secretary appeared on “Today” and ABC’s “Good Morning America” last week. She says that Madoff was a flirtatious boss who frequented massage parlors. What the masseuse did to him was the same thing he did to investors, but without the happy ending.
