Posts Tagged ‘Guinneess Book of World Records’

Cloudy with a chance of Giant Meatballs

Wednesday, November 4th, 2009

A 31-year-old man in Michigan faces charges after stealing an ambulance that had been left idling outside of a hospital emergency room. I don’t think this is what Democrats meant by the Public Option.

Nonni’s Italian Eatery in New Hampshire was confirmed by Guinness Book of World Records over the weekend as the maker of the world’s largest meatball. It weighs 222.5 pounds. The previous title holder to the world’s largest meatball - Rush Limbaugh.

Scientists have found that female Chinese fruit bats perform oral sex on male bats to get them to prolong the act. That is, if the male bats have an extra $50 bucks!

Scientists have found that female Chinese fruit bats perform oral sex on male bats to get them to prolong the act. After hearing this, guys everywhere want to be reincarnated as a Chinese fruit bat.

Scientists have found that female Chinese fruit bats perform oral sex on male bats to get them to prolong the act. And you thought it was bad when they left teeth marks on a neck? Ouch!

Mel Gibson’s girlfriend gave birth to their first child last week. It’s a bold move at his age but Mel has always been a “Maverick,” has a “Braveheart” and knows “What Women Want.”

Bernard Madoff’s longtime auditor, David Friehling, pleaded guilty to securities fraud. He claims that he did not know Madoff was running a Ponzi scheme. Really? You didn’t know?…..Instead of guilty, a better plea may be insanity.

Bernard Madoff’s longtime auditor, David Friehling, pleaded guilty to securities fraud. He claims that he did not know Madoff was running a Ponzi scheme. He also just found out that Madoff’s in prison.

Over the past decade, China has seen a tenfold increase in cases of syphilis. The economic boom has enabled migrant workers to make enough money to hire prostitutes. This is the new “China Syndrome.”

Over the past decade, China has seen a tenfold increase in cases of syphilis. The economic boom has enabled migrant workers to make enough money to hire prostitutes. After visiting a prostitiute, they medicate you long time.

dailynewsjokes for May 28th, 2008

Wednesday, May 28th, 2008

Former Cuban President Fidel Castro criticized Barack Obama’s statement that he would maintain the nearly fifty-year-old trade sanctons against Cuba. >> Obama may be willing to lift the embargo if they are willing to agree on a minister exchange program.    

 

 

Two men in San Francisco attempted to break the Guinness Book of World Records hand shaking record by shaking hands with each other for 9 1/2 hours. They beat the previous record by half an hour set by two Germans . >> Ironically, after their victory, they shook on it!

The real record they broke is: Two guys in San Francisco who shake hands for 9&1/2 hours and don’t get to second base. 

A 29-year-old man was arrested at Macy’s in New York for carrying a rusted pirate-style sword through the store.>> He used this technique to cut through the crowds.

A 12-year-old girl in a West Virginia Wal-Mart was stung by a scorpion while picking up a watermelon. The scorpion apparently stowed away in a shipment from Mexico. >> It stowed away in the same shipment as the Wal-Mart employees.

 

 Home prices in the U.S. dropped at the sharpest rate in two decades during the first quarter - an indication that the housing slump continues to deepen. >> Finally something for homeless people to feel good about.

NASA successfully landed a spacecraft on Mars over the weekend. It will begin 90 days of digging to look for evidence of the building blocks of life>> and if it doesn’t find oil it becomes a very expensive camera!

If the spacecraft does find oil you can bet there will be life on Mars.