Posts Tagged ‘New Hampshire’

Cloudy with a chance of Giant Meatballs

Wednesday, November 4th, 2009

A 31-year-old man in Michigan faces charges after stealing an ambulance that had been left idling outside of a hospital emergency room. I don’t think this is what Democrats meant by the Public Option.

Nonni’s Italian Eatery in New Hampshire was confirmed by Guinness Book of World Records over the weekend as the maker of the world’s largest meatball. It weighs 222.5 pounds. The previous title holder to the world’s largest meatball - Rush Limbaugh.

Scientists have found that female Chinese fruit bats perform oral sex on male bats to get them to prolong the act. That is, if the male bats have an extra $50 bucks!

Scientists have found that female Chinese fruit bats perform oral sex on male bats to get them to prolong the act. After hearing this, guys everywhere want to be reincarnated as a Chinese fruit bat.

Scientists have found that female Chinese fruit bats perform oral sex on male bats to get them to prolong the act. And you thought it was bad when they left teeth marks on a neck? Ouch!

Mel Gibson’s girlfriend gave birth to their first child last week. It’s a bold move at his age but Mel has always been a “Maverick,” has a “Braveheart” and knows “What Women Want.”

Bernard Madoff’s longtime auditor, David Friehling, pleaded guilty to securities fraud. He claims that he did not know Madoff was running a Ponzi scheme. Really? You didn’t know?…..Instead of guilty, a better plea may be insanity.

Bernard Madoff’s longtime auditor, David Friehling, pleaded guilty to securities fraud. He claims that he did not know Madoff was running a Ponzi scheme. He also just found out that Madoff’s in prison.

Over the past decade, China has seen a tenfold increase in cases of syphilis. The economic boom has enabled migrant workers to make enough money to hire prostitutes. This is the new “China Syndrome.”

Over the past decade, China has seen a tenfold increase in cases of syphilis. The economic boom has enabled migrant workers to make enough money to hire prostitutes. After visiting a prostitiute, they medicate you long time.

Monday trio

Monday, September 28th, 2009

Last week Sarah Palin made a speech in Hong Kong. She was disappointed that she didn’t get to meet their leader King Kong.

Scholars from around the world studied Bruce Springsteen over the weekend. Monmouth University held an event called “Glory Days: A Bruce Springsteen Symposium.” They studied the man and his music. They’re fascinated by someone who was “Born to Run” yet stayed in New Jersey.

A 92-year-old New Hampshire woman celebrated her birthday by sky-diving 13,000 feet from a plane. Half way down she thought to herself “What did I come in here for?”

Jessica Biel Stiffened my Hard Drive!

Thursday, August 27th, 2009

McAfee Inc., makers of computer virus software, say that Internet searches for actress Jessica Biel have a one-in-five chance of a computer getting infected with a virus. And the # 1 actress who can infect someone not using a computer is still Paris Hilton.

Security technology McAfee Inc. reports that actress Jessica Biel is the most dangerous celebrity on the web. Searches for Biel have a one-in-five chance of a computer landing at a Web site that will infect your computer with spyware and viruses. That’ll stiffen your hard drive.

A 33-year-old man in Clearwater, Florida was arrested for leaving a 3-year-old and a 4-year-old in a car while he was drinking in a strip club. That’s just irresponsible. Do you know how much drinks cost in a strip club?

An L.A. comedian is being sued by her mother-in-law after making her the punchline of too many jokes. Henny Youngman must be rolling over in his grave.

Here’s an old Henny Youngman joke: “Just got back from a pleasure trip. Took my mother-in-law to the airport.”

A new report says that SAT scores for the class of 2009 have dropped. SAT’s are down, but STD’s are up.

A new report says that SAT scores for the class of 2009 have dropped. The #2 pencils used in taking the test aren’t as sharp these days either.

They are tested on Reading, Writing and Twittering.

A man who got a speeding ticket in Tennessee mailed back a copy of the citation with a handwritten note saying he wasn’t subject to local speed zones because he was the deputy chief of the CIA. Yeah, the Coalition for Idiotic Americans

A 77-year-old man in New Hampshire who was upset that his street was blocked off for a parade drove through a barricade and hit a police officer with his car. He drove through the barricade very, very slowly with his left blinker on.

A 64-year-old woman in Alaska was arrested for threatening to kill a postal worker because a package was late. This is why seniors should not order their meds through the mail.

A new public service video from Wales that was produced to deter teens from texting while driving has become a world wide sensation. Teens just can’t stop texting their friends about it.

Singer Chris Brown was sentenced to five years’ probation, six months’ community labor and to stay away from Rihanna for the next five years. You can beat your girlfriend, but you can’t beat the system.

A woman in Minnesota stopped to have her car repaired with a goat in her trunk. I’ve heard of a “tiger in your tank,” but a “goat in your trunk” is the worst advertising slogan ever.

A man in Australia used a public toilet in a shopping mall and had to be taken to the hospital to have the toilet seat removed. Someone had smeared it with glue. Lucky for him Australia has National health care. Do you think in America your insurance company would cover your ass?