Posts Tagged ‘Paranormal Activity’

This is It!

Monday, November 2nd, 2009

“Michael Jackson’s This is it” topped the box office over the weekend. In second place was “Paranormal Activity.” Many people at the multiplex accidentally entered the wrong theatre, sat through “Paranormal Activity,” and didn’t know the difference.

The original balloon boy, Rush Limbaugh, is in the news again. On “Fox News Sunday,” Limbaugh said President Obama is “immature, inexperienced, in over his head,” offering the country “radical leadership” and laying siege to the economy. Limbaugh should work for Northwest Airlines. His mouth has just overshot where it should have stopped by 150 miles.

On “Fox News Sunday,” Rush Limbaugh said President Obama is “immature, inexperienced, in over his head,” offering the country “radical leadership” and laying siege to the economy. Or as democrats call that…the Bush years.

On “Fox News Sunday,” Rush Limbaugh said President Obama is “immature, inexperienced, in over his head,” offering the country “radical leadership” and laying siege to the economy. Then, over on ESPN, Limbaugh added “He’s also a bad bowler.”

A new survey shows that less companies are planning office parties this Holiday season. This may actually help keep jobs. Now guys don’t have to worry about getting drunk at the party and saying something to piss off the boss.

Police in Iowa arrested two men ages 23 and 20 accused of breaking into an apartment. The suspects had blackened their faces with permanent marker. They had guilt written all over their face.

New research reports that people who are bad drivers may be born that way due to a gene variant. About half the population suffers from this gene variant, the other half are men.

A government study to monitor state-by-state differences in sleeplessness has shown that West Virginia is the top state where people report a lack of sleep. They are sleepless from the embarrassment of living in West Virginia.

Bill Clinton attended the unveiling of a 10-foot tall statue of himself in Kosovo over the weekend. At least that’s what he told Hillary.

Bill Clinton attended the unveiling of a 10-foot tall statue of himself in Kosovo over the weekend. Al Gore never got a statue. But, giving Gore a statue would be redundant.

Singer Wayne Newton says he may retire. He’s been entertaining in Vegas for 50 years. He’ll find out if what happens in Vegas for 50 years, stays in Vegas.

Singer Wayne Newton says he may retire after his 50 years in Las Vegas. He wants to spend more time with his 7-year-old daughter. Unfortunately, so does Roman Polanski.

Officials in Florida believe they have found an alligator that escaped from a wildlife officer who brought the animal to his daughters school for show and tell. Is an alligator actually something unusual for show and tell in Florida? Is there a shortage of gators? That’s like a kid living in Washington bringing a Lobbyist to show and tell.

Prison guards at an Indiana jail are facing disciplinary action after a 40-year-old man, who was not an inmate, was accidentally trapped inside a cell for 12 hours and they didn’t notice. The guy was so panicked he had already started a tunnel.

Five Filipino transvestites on trial in Shanghai are accused of leading men into taxis or hotel rooms, inducing them to eat foods laced with sleeping drugs, then robbing them. That sounds like the worst lyric from a Christmas song ever……Five Filipino transvestites, four calling birds, three…

Police in Kentucky say that a 36-year-old man who told them his name was “Seven,” smashed a window at a car dealership because God wanted him to steal a Dodge Charger. This answers the question “What would Jesus drive.”

Police in Kentucky say that a 36-year-old man who told them his name was “Seven,” smashed a window at a car dealership because God wanted him to steal a Dodge Charger. Don’t you think God would be more green? Maybe tell a guy to steal a Prius or something low on mileage?

Late Monday post

Monday, October 26th, 2009

The two Northwest pilots that overshot the Minneapolis airport by 150 miles told federal investigators that they were going over schedules on their laptop computers. Coincidentally, that’s the same thing they say when their wives walk into the room.

Finally there are answers as to why that Northwest Airlines jet flew 150 miles past the Minneapolis airport. Their first excuse was lame: They were distracted by a kid flying by in a balloon.

Finally there are answers as to why that Northwest Airlines jet flew 150 miles past the Minneapolis airport. But at first there was speculation that it was a stunt to get their own reality show.

The low budget film “Paranormal Activity” won the weekend’s box office with $22 million. After the success of this film, Jamie Lee Curtis may go back to Horror films with the sequel: “Paranormal Activia.”

The New York Yankees bought, I mean, won, won, their first pennant in six years.

Three pigs in Minnesota are said to have the swine flu. One solution to keep the illness from spreading is to turn them into “cured” bacon.

A man ordering food at a restaurant in Iowa City was approached by another man who called him a zombie, then punched him twice. The joke is on the guy who hit him. Turns out it really was a Zombie and after being hit ate the guy’s brain..

The city of East Providence, Rhode Island broke the Guinness world record for the longest strand of beads at 1,349.9 feet. Another record they broke. Most boring town ever!

Privacy and consumer groups are urging Congress to enact laws to limit what can and can’t be collected by online Internet tracking companies that follow consumer behavior. Guy’s don’t know what that means, but if it makes it easier to surf for porn they’re for it.

A new study by Yale University confirms that breakfast cereals marketed to kids have 85% more sugar, 65% less fiber and 60% more sodium than those aimed at adults. Taking sugary cereals away from kids may not be a good solution. The only exercise some of these kids get is digging the toy out from the bottom of the box.

Fossils from the smallest dinosaur in North America have gone on display at a Los Angeles museum. It’s about 28 inches long and weighs less than a rabbit. They may make a movie about it: “Jarrasic Quark.”

Two bar patrons in Wisconsin were almost hit by their own car when an alleged drunk driver slammed into the car in the prking lot and knocked it through the wall. It’s a great bar, but here’s a tip. Don’t use the valet parking

A female journalist in Saudi Arabia has been sentenced to 60 lashes for her involvement in a TV show in which a Saudi man publicly talked about sex. There is no justice. This host gets 60 lashes, yet the people behind The Jay Leno Show go scott free.