Posts Tagged ‘Saudi Arabia’

Late Monday post

Monday, October 26th, 2009

The two Northwest pilots that overshot the Minneapolis airport by 150 miles told federal investigators that they were going over schedules on their laptop computers. Coincidentally, that’s the same thing they say when their wives walk into the room.

Finally there are answers as to why that Northwest Airlines jet flew 150 miles past the Minneapolis airport. Their first excuse was lame: They were distracted by a kid flying by in a balloon.

Finally there are answers as to why that Northwest Airlines jet flew 150 miles past the Minneapolis airport. But at first there was speculation that it was a stunt to get their own reality show.

The low budget film “Paranormal Activity” won the weekend’s box office with $22 million. After the success of this film, Jamie Lee Curtis may go back to Horror films with the sequel: “Paranormal Activia.”

The New York Yankees bought, I mean, won, won, their first pennant in six years.

Three pigs in Minnesota are said to have the swine flu. One solution to keep the illness from spreading is to turn them into “cured” bacon.

A man ordering food at a restaurant in Iowa City was approached by another man who called him a zombie, then punched him twice. The joke is on the guy who hit him. Turns out it really was a Zombie and after being hit ate the guy’s brain..

The city of East Providence, Rhode Island broke the Guinness world record for the longest strand of beads at 1,349.9 feet. Another record they broke. Most boring town ever!

Privacy and consumer groups are urging Congress to enact laws to limit what can and can’t be collected by online Internet tracking companies that follow consumer behavior. Guy’s don’t know what that means, but if it makes it easier to surf for porn they’re for it.

A new study by Yale University confirms that breakfast cereals marketed to kids have 85% more sugar, 65% less fiber and 60% more sodium than those aimed at adults. Taking sugary cereals away from kids may not be a good solution. The only exercise some of these kids get is digging the toy out from the bottom of the box.

Fossils from the smallest dinosaur in North America have gone on display at a Los Angeles museum. It’s about 28 inches long and weighs less than a rabbit. They may make a movie about it: “Jarrasic Quark.”

Two bar patrons in Wisconsin were almost hit by their own car when an alleged drunk driver slammed into the car in the prking lot and knocked it through the wall. It’s a great bar, but here’s a tip. Don’t use the valet parking

A female journalist in Saudi Arabia has been sentenced to 60 lashes for her involvement in a TV show in which a Saudi man publicly talked about sex. There is no justice. This host gets 60 lashes, yet the people behind The Jay Leno Show go scott free.

I Got mooned during Earth Hour

Saturday, March 28th, 2009

The Walt Disney Co has cut an undisclosed number of workers at Walt Disney World in Florida and Disneyland in California. Employees are getting a real Californication.

A group of women in Saudi Arabia are launching a campaign to boycott lingerie stores because there are no women salespeople and they are tired of dealing with men. You’d think the name of the stores would tip them off: Victor’s Secret.

A retired police officer was robbed while coming out of a bathroom stall at a police officers’ convention in Pennsylvania. Having to give money in a mens room without receiving sex? That’s Larry Craig’s worst nightmare.

An inmate in the Clallam Bay Washington Corrections Center caused 130 inmates to be evacuated after he tried to heat up a sausage in his cell’s toilet. This is better than heating his sausage in his cellmate.

A 30-year-old skateboarding parrot named Gordo was stolen from his front porch in Baldwin Park, California. Dick Cheney is commiserating with the birds owner. Cheney himself once lost a waterboarding cockatiel.

84 countries and 2,800 municipalities around the world will participate in a event called Earth Hour. They will turn off or dim lights to save energy. Washington D.C. is exempt because congress has always been full of dim bulbs.

I think ths event was started by an international looters group.

The title is appropriate. Earth Hour. With the shape the earth’s in, it’s only got about an hour.

Paris Hilton and her boyfriend Doug Reinhart got into a confrontation with a DJ at a Miami Beach night club. Her boyfriend was brawling on the floor. That’s odd. In a nightclub, it’s usually Paris that goes down.

A police chief of a Seattle suburd accidentally collided with the car in front of him when he looked down to check his BlackBerry at a red light. Luckily it was an ad saying he can save a bunch of money on his car insurance.

A New York company is releasing a new kosher tequila in time for Cinco de Mayo. It will be produced at a Mexican plant using methods certified by a rabbi. It’s known as Manischewitz gold.

The worm is circumsized.

I hope it’s more popular than their yamaka sombrero.

They’re also working on a stuffed animal that’s filled with candy and won’t stop talking until you beat it with a stick. It’s called a pin-yadda, yadda, yadda.

dailynewsjokes for Saturday, May 17th

Saturday, May 17th, 2008

On his trip to the Middle East, President Bush failed to get Saudi Arabia to increase oil production and relieve skyrocketing gas prices.  The President got a red-carpet welcome and can be seen respectfully holding hands with King Abdullah. >> President Bush goes to get the crude and ends up holding hands with a dude!

A man in Virginia was shocked when he got a subpoena in the mail for his 1-year-old son to appear in court over a $391 chiropractor bill. >> The chiropractic treatments must have worked because the kid is starting to walk.

John Edwards endorsed Barack Obama for President. >> Edwards says his backing of Obama will hold as firmly as his VO5 hair spray.

In a speech Thursday, Republican John McCain declared that he believes the Iraq war can be won by 2013. >> The same way he declared World War One would end by 1918.

A Pennsylvania woman will serve up to 23 months in prison for having her 7 -year-old son dress as a Cub Scout to collect money for a nonexistent cause. >> By the time she gets out of jail she can dress him up as a fake Boy Scout to collect money.